This game turned me narcoleptic around the middle of the third quarter

Done his damn self by Justin

The Phillies swept the Mets

The Phillies did their part to get the Mets off to a seven-game losing streak (your turn, Braves). Mets fan and apparent masochist Laura sent some pics in to commemorate the pivotal series, and I added a few of my own.

(Speaking of which, I need to contact the Franklin Mint, see if I can sell some of these on collectable plates.)








Pics 2, 4, 5 and 7 by Laura

Bobby Bowden looks hungry

Ah, the start of college football season. The glorious time of year when all my Florida State friends send me snide comments, as if the Seminoles are actually going to play offense this year.

Go Gators.

Red Sox fans are actively trying to make me puke

Yesterday, Red Sox Nation did its damnedest to revolt me in every way possible, capped off by reader Marty's interpretation of this Red Sox fan photo that I had somehow missed on Deadspin.

(I could swear that I've seen this guy before... oh wait, I know.)

This was preceded by Bill Simmons' photo gallery of his field trip to Tropicana Field in St. Pete, which not only included easy jokes about how all Devil Rays fans are older than sin, but also this unfortunate picture of Simmons' leg hair. Now, I'm a huge fan of The Sports Guy's work, but I have to say Bill's been mailing it in this summer harder than Spiderman 3.

But the worst thing I saw yesterday was provided to me by an unnamed reader (from the e-mail address, I'm going to guess Julie). I hate to say it, but any time someone sends me a LOLjock, and the first thing I say is "Ewwwwwwwwwgh," I'm probably going to post it.

The Yankees are a soap opera

The part of "Mike Mussina" will now be played by Ian Kennedy.

Technically, Mussina isn't out of the rotation, he's just "skipping a start," which means they will probably bring him back during sweeps week.

I wouldn't worry, Moose... it could always be worse.



(This last one is more fun when you play this video afterwards.)

Godspeed, Bob Wickman

Reader Bryan Reid sent along this "Do It Your Damn Self" reminder that the Braves designated occupational hypnotherapist Dr. Swanson Buh Buh Ray Dudley Friar Tuck Bob Wickman for assignment, meaning he will no longer be the Braves closer for the rest of his life.

Of course, Wickman now joins a fine group of closers that the Braves eventually asked to never come back....

I think even John Popper would be impressed

Photo from ESPN.com

Don't think Brady Quinn hasn't known the feel of clippers before

So Brady Quinn has lost his haircut thanks to rookie hazing (personally, I went with getting my hair cut too short by a retard stylist).

I have to say I'm upset that Brady got to keep his eyebrows.

Photo from Deadspin

Phil Garner doesn't have to watch Astros games anymore

Garner and Purpura Canned in Houston (AOL Fanhouse)

Photo from Yahoo! Sports

Michael Vick apologizes

Screen grab of video from ESPN.com, here's the reference (2:00 mark)

Someone should tell Joe Torre that it's not polite to stare

Fred Couples then replied, "Well, it's not that long, but it's thick."

Done their damn self by My Hero Zero, who is not actually my hero.

Because no one in my fantasy league knows what "construda" is

This year, the name of my fantasy football team is Construda Looking Glass, combining two of my favorite things: obscure references from sports blogs and sequels.

I won't go into details of the players I drafted, because a) you don't give a shit, and b) you'll be hearing me complain about them throughout the season anyway. But I will share the logo I designed... it will be nice for some people to enjoy it (other than my co-workers who will be giving me confused looks on Monday).

If LOL Jocks ever starts a Hall of Fame, Roethlisberger's getting in on the first ballot

Done his damn self by Matt Ufford

They are always in the last place you'd look

This photo has been on Deadspin all day and I only just now made the "Where the white women at?" correlation.

Of course the joke is all over the thread comments, but it's Friday and you kids deserve one more post before the weekend... plus yet another reminder that college football comes back next week (hello, old friend).

Eli must have had a prior engagement at a karaoke bar

These athlete photo shoots are quickly becoming my favorite to give the LOLjock treatment (remember Essence?)... here's a new one by GQ featuring the young quarterbacks of the NFL that don't have inferiority complexes caused by their perfect older brothers.







Photos by Mark Seliger. Props to With Leather for the link.

Dikembe Mutombo certainly left his mark on Philadelphia

Come on, lady in the pink shirt... you know he's got the tongue.

Done his damn self by Kevin... here's the reference.

Baltimore blew a three-run lead

Dave Trembley celebrated the announcement of his return as Orioles manager for the 2008 season by watching his team allow the highest amount of runs in a game in over a century. That'll happen.

I think I'll follow Trembley's example... after my next performance evaluation at work. If I can get myself a nice little raise, I will immediately drop trow and moon all of my co-workers. That will be a hoot!

Like my man Orel said, mo' scoreless innings, mo' problems

Brandon Webb, Still Shutting People Down (Deadspin)

(Here's the reference for the white people.)

No, Kasey Kahne, I will not buy a pack of cigarettes for you

Thanks to reader The Costanzo for the AP photo.

You know where you are, Larry? You're in Chiefs training camp, baby! YOU'RE GONNA DIIIIIIE!

Larry Johnson finally reported to Kansas City Chiefs training camp today after signing a six-year extension with $19 million guaranteed. Head coach Herm Edwards celebrated by running 500 consecutive run plays in full pads. Enjoy your wheelchair, Larry.


In other NFL news today, Linebacker Jeremiah Trotter was released by the Eagles today, who suggested that he consider retirement. At the age of 30. I can't imagine anyone being asked to retire when they are thirty (except for Jay Mohr).

And finally, Eli is pissed!

Turns out he's not too happy with Tiki Barber criticizing Eli's leadership... even mentioning a speech at an offensive meeting, saying, "Sometimes it was almost comical the way that he would say things."

Come on, Tiki, what's so comical about this speech?


If that doesn't fire you up, you need to check your pulse, Tiki. Or quit football and hang out with Cris Collinsworth.

Eli pic from With Leather, others from Yahoo! Sports

Soccer fans are all about some LOL Jocks

Big props to readers Sven and Charlie Clayton, who sent in a bunch of soccer pics over the past week. Unfortunately, besides Beckham and Sloth from The Goonies, I have no idea who any of these guys are.







First four by Sven, last three by Charlie Clayton. And I'm just guessing, but Lindsay's flavor is probably herpes.

I know I had a better week than a certain someone

ANNNNNND... we're back.

Thanks to everybody who sent stuff in over the last week (including AlbaNY Hawker, who supplied the above)... you'll be seeing some of their work throughout the day.

Plus, check out the comment thread from this weekend's Deadspin post featuring LOLJocks (thanks Clare!)... some high quality stuff.

Where's Grimey goin'? He's Chica-GOIN'

I'm taking a road trip up to Chicago this week, so there won't be any updates for the next eleven days.

Keep sending in your "Do It Your Damn Self" submissions though. Considering I'll be backed up to hell with work next Monday, there is a high likelihood of your submissions getting posted.

(I'll be hitting up Wrigley Field for the first time Wednesday. If you're at the game in the bleachers and hear a guy with a Southern accent making fun of Alfonso Soriano's quad injury... yeah, that's me.)