Sean Casey won't get there in time

Dice-K's $103 million contract comes back to bite the Red Sox

Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

I will no longer be surprised if Boston wins a game at Coors Field

I missed the first seven innings of the Colorado-Boston game to watch Boston College pull out a win against Virginia Tech, but I did catch Papelbon being all lights out and shit.

I don't think the lack of oxygen in Denver will get to Papelbon. Dude could probably pitch in a sandstorm. It might behoove him to close his mouth though.

Question: Do kids these days even play with stick horseys anymore? Do they even know what cowboys are?

Josh Beckett is good

In my world series prediction, I had figured in that Josh Beckett would win this game. But Christ on Christmas, that was an ugly game.

I think all of a sudden the Rockies are wishing that the Diamondbacks had actually outplayed them a couple games.

My World Series prediction: If the Rockies should encounter God, he will be cut

Colorado Rockies in 5. That's right, I'm picking the team that I thought wouldn't make it out of the Divisional Series. The Rockies have the formula that wild card teams that win the World Series possess... ridiculous momentum, great defense, and clutch hitting.

Meanwhile, I don't think that Boston is prepared for playing in Denver's high-altitude conditions... if the Red Sox take a game at Coors Field, I will be very surprised.

My World Series prediction: David Ortiz will pass out in Game 3

I mentioned this in the comments of this AOL Fanhouse post on Tuesday, but I will reiterate the point here... how the hell is David Ortiz going to run the bases in Denver, Colorado?

There was a situation early in the playoffs where David Ortiz was on second, and the batter kept fouling off pitches with two strikes, and Papi was literally sucking wind while returning to the bag just to do the whole running thing all over again.

That was either in Boston, Cleveland or Anaheim. Where oxygen is plentiful.

Just wait until this series goes to Colorado... I'm just saying if at any point, Papi jumps up and down and yells, "IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU, TITO???" well, you know what's coming.

Here's the image reference for the kids (which was hard as hell to find). It's 1:30 into the video, dummy.

The American League championship trophy is an alcoholic

You know, with the cigar, the goggles, and the horrible dance moves... Jonathan Papelbon is slowly turning into Dan Aykroyd.

Thanks to reader Kevin for the pic.

No really, WHO wants to sex Pedroia?

I wonder how late the bars in Boston stay open on Sundays....

Photo from Deadspin

(UPDATE: Pedroia's not the only Red Sock getting some tonight.)

This one done her damn self by reader Julie.

Picking the Championship Seri-i?

Let's see... in my Division Series predictions, I nailed the AL picks exactly (even predicting the number of games correctly for each), but I totally blew the NL picks. I'm disappointed that I forgot how good the NL West was this year as a whole, which will happen when all the division's press is about the shitty team.

Colorado Rockies in 6. Arizona is quietly impressive, but it seems like every year the blazing hot wild card team finds a way into the World Series. Plus I refuse to pick a team with a closer who acts like he caught a two-outer on the river every time he gets an out. Seriously, Jose Valverde, I'm not a big fan of Ritalin, but for you I'll make an exception.

Boston Red Sox in 5. I can't wait for the game in Cleveland when the Canadian Soldiers come back to Jacobs Field, and all die a horrible death on the Red Sox's pine tar-coated helmets. The Boston relief pitchers might want to wear them while they are pitching too, just to be safe.

Unlike the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, the Boston Red Sox really know how to party

Huge props to reader Chris for pointing me towards this collection of photos of the Red Sox's postgame celebration at a Boston club after clinching the AL East (via Your Fantasy Team Sucks). All original photos are by some dude named Brandon.

What did I learn from these photos? Well, Dice-K gets sleepy when he drinks, Papelbon and Pedroia could totally do wedding receptions, and Clay Buchholz probably spent the night with a toilet. Kids.

Do they allow violins inside Fenway Park?

Poor, poor little Red Sox fan. So upset that a professional baseball player would have an opinion about your favorite baseball team.

“It was cool to get his autograph,” Griffin said. “It didn’t make me feel happy when he wrote that.”

Well let me tell you a little story, Griffin, about what didn't make me happy. On my 18th birthday, my mom got me tickets to a Bucks/Hawks game in Atlanta, so I could see my favorite NBA player (at the time). I had his jersey, and I was going to try to get him to sign it.

So the players were doing their pre-game shootaround, and autograph seekers were lined up near the court... when the players were finished, they would go to the crowd, sign for a bit, and then go to the locker room. So I waited patiently for my favorite player (at the time) to finish his shooting, and sure enough he did. And as he was leaving the court, he turned to the autograph seekers (including myself), and said, "Hold on, I'll be right back."

Then he went to the locker room. And he didn't come back.

That player? Vin Baker. He was probably rushing back to the locker room to do some shots.

So, GRIFFIN, just be glad you got an autograph, and don't bitch about the message. And be glad that you didn't have to settle for an autograph from Armon Gilliam.

Photo by Mark Garfinkel

Red Sox fans are actively trying to make me puke

Yesterday, Red Sox Nation did its damnedest to revolt me in every way possible, capped off by reader Marty's interpretation of this Red Sox fan photo that I had somehow missed on Deadspin.

(I could swear that I've seen this guy before... oh wait, I know.)

This was preceded by Bill Simmons' photo gallery of his field trip to Tropicana Field in St. Pete, which not only included easy jokes about how all Devil Rays fans are older than sin, but also this unfortunate picture of Simmons' leg hair. Now, I'm a huge fan of The Sports Guy's work, but I have to say Bill's been mailing it in this summer harder than Spiderman 3.

But the worst thing I saw yesterday was provided to me by an unnamed reader (from the e-mail address, I'm going to guess Julie). I hate to say it, but any time someone sends me a LOLjock, and the first thing I say is "Ewwwwwwwwwgh," I'm probably going to post it.