South Florida 21, West Virginia 13: Hey, South Florida! Congratulations. You're undefeated, tops in the Big East, #6 in the country. Maybe it's time you thought about getting your own place. Seriously, you're fucking up the turf at Raymond James Stadium, and my Buccaneers are already down one running back. I've saved the classified section of the Sunday paper for you.
Colorado 27, Oklahoma 24: I probably would have liked to see the thrilling finale of this game, but I live in the south, so instead I got to watch Clemson score three points on Georgia Tech.
Maryland 34, Rutgers 24: This man's poetry says it better than I ever could.
Kansas State 41, Texas 21: I think I also would have liked to watch this game, but I live in the south, so instead I got to watch Alabama punt ten times against Florida State.
Auburn 20, Florida 17: Tebow falters for the first time as a starter. However, even Auburn fans have to admit that he does a pretty good impersonation of Jesus.
Ah, the start of college football season. The glorious time of year when all my Florida State friends send me snide comments, as if the Seminoles are actually going to play offense this year.
South Florida 21, West Virginia 13: Hey, South Florida! Congratulations. You're undefeated, tops in the Big East, #6 in the country. Maybe it's time you thought about getting your own place. Seriously, you're fucking up the turf at Raymond James Stadium, and my Buccaneers are already down one running back. I've saved the classified section of the Sunday paper for you.
Colorado 27, Oklahoma 24: I probably would have liked to see the thrilling finale of this game, but I live in the south, so instead I got to watch Clemson score three points on Georgia Tech.
Maryland 34, Rutgers 24: This man's poetry says it better than I ever could.
Kansas State 41, Texas 21: I think I also would have liked to watch this game, but I live in the south, so instead I got to watch Alabama punt ten times against Florida State.
Auburn 20, Florida 17: Tebow falters for the first time as a starter. However, even Auburn fans have to admit that he does a pretty good impersonation of Jesus.
